What's the best river in the North-East of England?

The Tweed? Granted, it meets the North Sea in England at Berwick-upon-Tweed but the vast majority of its 97 mile course is through the Scottish Borders so no, the Tweed does not even count.

The Tyne? By the Tyne I assume you mean the stretch from the confluence of the North and South Tyne rivers just west of Hexham. You can go to Hexham on a train so no, not the Tyne.

The Wear you say? It rises right enough in the remote North Pennines, flows through the picturesque Wear Valley, takes in the cathedral city of Durham before greeting the tide, 60 miles from its source at Sunderland. Better but not right.

So that just leaves the Tees? Home to one of Europe's busiest container ports? The murky chemical overflow pipe that drove the seals from its mouth? Yes, but you're forgetting that it rises in an even remoter part of the Pennines. Cauldron Snout and High Force, England's highest and biggest waterfalls are in Teesdale; a designated area of outstanding natural beauty. It's nearly 90 miles long and Sir Walter Scott even wrote a ballady poem or something about a house near it. That all adds up to the Tees being the best river in the North-East. Oh, and the seals are back.

Barnard Castle is officially in County Durham but belongs to North Yorkshire, historically and visually. It's one of the nicer towns in these parts but pretty marketplaces were not a priority in its rougher, mining-related neighbours. It also lets the river Tees through, marking the start of a plainer easterly course than its wilder northern stretch.

The people are friendly too. Two conversations with strangers at the supermarket checkout both involved crisps; a specialist subject of mine. The first with an elderly lady surprised that they came in Marmite™ flavour and the other with a mum and her trolley trapped toddler; a family pack of McCoys™ being used as a drum.

If you've not already packed your lunch, I'd advise you stock up here. The village of Cotherstone is the only possibility en-route but on the day we visited, the Red Lion and the post office were closed at lunchtime. The Fox and Hounds might have been open but it was doing a pretty good impression of being not.

Snacks on board, grab your Ordnance Survey Landranger 92 and let's wander north-west up and then south-east down the Tees. Most of the 8 and a bit miles look to be near the river, there's bound to be some Kingfishers up there?